We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
