I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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