Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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