Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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