one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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