Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
