i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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