I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize