I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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