Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
