We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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