I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
