Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Screwed.edu
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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