What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
