Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
