dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
