Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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