o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
