She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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