her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
