Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
