I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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