Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
