conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
