It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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