thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
