i don't like sucking hair
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
