Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
