she was so not down for the gang bang
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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