All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
