Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
