pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
