hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
