Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
