It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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