Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
