i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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