For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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