the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
