the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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