i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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