I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
