i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
