Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
