She's JV to your varsity
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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