i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
