So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize