my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
