I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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