Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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