I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
