we have pet lesbian snakes
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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