You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
