I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
