My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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