so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
