Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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