theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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