i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
