I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize