his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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