Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
