are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
