I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
