Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
