next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
