She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
