The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
