I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
